By David Van Diest
“Freedom isn’t for us …. We’re chained to this place for the rest of our lives, even though we aren’t wearing chains. We can escape and wander about, but in the end we’ll come back.” These words were spoken by a Soviet dissident who had successfully escaped the brutal Soviet Gulag only to later return to captivity by his own choice. If you’re not aware of the Soviet Gulag, it was a massive system of forced labor camps where as many as twenty five million people were held during the oppressive rule of Joseph Stalin. Millions died. Historians believed that 10% of the Gulag population died each year due to horrible working conditions, starvation, neglect, and execution.
There’s another story that illustrates this “return to bondage” phenomenon and it’s found in the pages of the bible…and you don’t have to believe in the bible for the point to be clear. The Israeli people had become slaves to the Egyptians (who were the most powerful nation of the time) and, as the story goes, they escaped their pursuing captors through the Red Sea. After a short period of freedom, the people complained and asked to return to Egypt to be slaves. Why? Why would someone pursue freedom only to retreat back to bondage once they’ve attained it? Whether you believe the bible or not, the story illustrates a common human reaction. “…in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat, when we ate bread to the full; for you (Moses and Aaron) have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger” (Exodus 16:3).
So, let me get this straight. They willingly left, but in a just a short period of time begged to return to a life where they were not free to do as they please… they were not free to leave…they were not free to pursue the career or family as they choose … and they were forced to work long hours under wretched conditions… so they could have a pot of meat?
These are stark examples of an unbelievable phenomenon but one that happens to lesser degrees in many people’s lives. What keeps us “chained to this place” or to something or someone? What makes us want to return to oppression and slavery in Egypt instead of freedom that awaits?
The idea of freedom sounds appealing to most but sometimes when we receive the freedom we are seeking, we long for the bondage we left (or we are never able to leave in the first place). It is fear of the unknown that drives people back toward bondage… back toward slavery of one sort or another. It is fear that this very freedom will cause damage, harm, or threat of loss, death, or punishment. We fear the uncertainty that freedom offers and in so many instances willingly trade it for the safety of familiar bondage.
Another thought on freedom that’s been bouncing around my brain is the idea that often it’s the very freedoms we pursue that ultimately enslave us. Often those freedoms are external and would fall into the “my rights” or “my liberties” category. An example would be binge watching on YouTube. Adults have the “freedom” to watch as much as they wish but many get stuck in that freedom… sucked into bondage by the very freedom they’re exercising. They can’t pull themselves away from vast mélange of new and unseen video content. Days go by where nothing but binge watching transpires. Cell phones, tablets, exercise, gambling, employment can all morph into this kind of bondage. I can hear what you’re saying, “David, now you’re treading on thin ice, my friend.”
Recently, I was reading a book called Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. Author Jay Stringer tells the story of Jeffrey who was stuck in unwanted sexual behavior and said this “When you are involved in unwanted sexual behavior, one of the most maddening dimensions of your life becomes your fight with freedom. You long for liberation, but you also experience a strange comfort in the misery and pleasure your unwanted behavior provides… Jeffery and so many others battling sexual brokenness continue to participate in slavery because the life without the dependency makes them too uneasy” (Stringer, p. 12). In other words, fear or discomfort at the idea of leaving the behavior behind. This isn’t isolated to unwanted sexual behavior but is a crucial element of all addictions. Stringer goes on to state that this fear can change.
In the “bondage” described above, the element of fear is consistent. Fear of the unknown… fear of the unpredictable… fear of being unable to survive without the security the bondage provides. Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist who survived the WWII concentration camps, said this, “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” The struggle with bondage is the strong grip it has on an individual. Often people try extremely hard to eliminate the behavior but the problem is they’re focusing on the symptom and not the underlying cause. Stringer says it this way, “The choice of unwanted sexual behavior (or any addiction or bondage someone finds themselves in) is never accidental. There is always a reason. Your path to freedom from unwanted sexual behavior begins with finding the unique reasons behind yours” (p.19). Once someone identifies the source, work can be done to “change ourselves” toward healing.
I have a good friend who is periodically asked to speak. While he’s really a very good speaker, public speaking causes him a tremendous amount of anxiety. He recently told me that he decided to never turn down a speaking event unless it conflicts with another scheduled event. He went on to say “when I receive a request, I run to check my schedule hoping that there’s a family, church, community, or school event that is already planned.” The thing is, he’s refusing to let his fear control his life. If you, or someone you know, is struggling in bondage or slavery of some sort, don’t walk it alone. For my friend, he’s got a network of terrific friends that help ground him… help him understand the immense value he has to offer. It’s tough and often scary but as Stringer said, “[the addiction] is never accidental. There is always a reason.” Stopping the behavior is one thing but finding the deeper reason may take a skilled person to help. Don’t give up. Break free from Egypt.
David Van Diest has his master's degree in counseling from Multnomah University and is a Licensed Professional Counselor intern in Gresham Oregon, a suburb of Portland. He focuses on counseling men through addictions, anxiety, life transitions, men's issues, parenting & family, etc. To contact David, visit www.davidvandiest.com.
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